Whatever you do these days, wether it be turning on the TV or radio, going to the movies, or reading a book. No matter what form of entertainment you choose, they all have much the same message. Each one says that when it comes to love you're supposed to be who you are and not hide any part of yourself and always be open and honest. But I pose the question: What if being truthful and yourself isn't enough? Or will hurt the ones you care about? No one ever seems to mention this.
Let's take one case that seems to show up in my life quite a bit, falling in love with your best friend. About a year ago, as most of you know from my first blog entry, I fell in love with my closest friend, Andy. Sadly, he did not return these feelings and I was rejected, but after an event like this, there's no going back to the way things were, and although you both try to forget it and move on, the friendship dynamic is forever changed. From the moment I revealed myself to him, Andy's and my relationship crumbled and I lost not only the chance for romantic love, but the brotherly love I already had from him.
People always tell you that the person you spend the rest of your life with should not only be your lover but also your best friend, however, what if your best friend ends up hating you because of your love?? There's just no winning in this scenario, because if you don't tell him you'll always wonder "What if?" and if you do tell him he may end up despising you for complicating his life.
Here's the worst part: recently, it's started to happen to me again with one of my new friends but I don't think I'd survive another episode like last time. I just couldn't do it. This added to the fact that I have no chance and nothing to offer to this person just makes the whole situation worse.
So tell me, what am I supposed to do now?? I doubt that television or books or movies have ever had a situation like this occur, I mean you just can't make this shit up. So I have nothing to go on.
Do I tell the person and most likely lose everything or keep my mouth shut and save what I have? I'm very torn. But leaning towards shutting up. The miniscule one-one thousandth of a chance that I will benefit from speaking up is not worth the 99.9% chance I will fail miserably. Any gambler worth his salt would tell me not to take those odds . . . but I was always shitty at poker . . .
But this begs the question, are our movies, books, and TV shows teaching us poor lessons? Our media is sheltering us from the cruel reality of love: it rarely works out in your favor. I am angry at this entertainment industry, that I put so much faith in to teach me the life lessons I would need to know to succeed, who have have failed me so terribly. What to do . . . What to do . . . ?
I guess all I can say now is: HELP!
Well bye for now. Comment with any suggestions if you want.
Love,
C.
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